Pedro Fever Grips Hub
Disclaimer: This was not written by Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe, it is a parody column for the BSMW “Be Dan Shaughnessy” contest.
Pedro Fever Grips Hub
by
Dan Shaughnessy
Pack up the babies and grab the old ladies because the Pedro Martinez Traveling Salvation Show is coming back to what was once Joe Mooney’s fabled Fenway lawn. Send lawyers, guns and money. The prima donna pitcher who pushed the Boy Genius to the edge, pushed his way out of town and pushed Don Zimmer arrives this week with the blood and thunder Mets for a three game series/revival meeting.
A lot has changed since the Red Sox traded Carl Pavano and Tony Armas, Jr. to Montreal for La Pedro in 1997. For one thing, the Expos are now the Nationals. Internet geeks have taken all the fun out of baseball. We had a Clinton in the White House and a Bush running for president; now we have a Bush in the White House and a Clinton running for president. Then the Celtics were rebuilding under Paul ‘Thanksdad’ Gaston and now they are rebuilding under Wyc ‘Thanksdad’ Grousbeck. In 1997 the Bruins finished out of the playoffs and fired their coach, and in 2006, well, maybe some things do stay the same.
The biggest difference is the new ownership group that has taken over since Pedro was acquired in what was former GM Dan Duquette’s best move. When John Henry and Larry Lucchino came in they fired Duquette faster than Dean Wormer closed down Delta House. The new cartel has tried to squeeze all the revenue they can out of New England’s Team by dressing up the aged ballyard, but members of Red Sox Nation know that’s like spreading Grey Poupon on a slice of Yaz Bread.
Pedro can never live down the fact that he coughed up Boston’s best shot at a title since Babe Ruth left (wasn’t there some kind of curse here for a while?) when The One Who Must Not Be Named let him go down in flames against the Bombers in Game Seven. He redeemed himself in 2004 but didn’t get along with new media darling Curt Schilling and got himself gone to the hated Mets in the offseason. He and Schilling should have been the new Gold Dust Twins like Rice and Lynn in 1975 but Pedro’s ego couldn’t accept second banana status. Pedro was never the equal of Schilling as a big game pitcher.
Martinez brought a new buzz to Red Sox baseball. Dominican flags waved in Friendly Fenway. The K cards came back. He said he’d drill the Bambino (that name again) in the ass. Dirt Dogs and Idiots flourished on Pedro’s watch. He came in with Jimy Williams, played with Jurassic Carl and left for the money with Derek Lowe.
Pedro didn’t have the decency to record his finest hour in front of the Fenway Faithful, saving it instead for Cleveland fans when he blanked the Wahoo Yahoos in relief in Game 5 of the 1999 ALDS. He went on to beat fellow turncoat Roger Clemens in the biggest playoff game of all time to that point, but it wasn’t enough to win the pennant.
He is a star in New York, but he is no longer the hurler that was once considered the best in Yawkey Way history along with Clemens. He is only a six inning pitcher now, relying on the bullpen for his wins, and surely looks at Sox stud closer Jonathan Papelbon and wonders about what might have been. He could have been an Orr, a Bird or a Williams in this town but he returns this week as only a Boggs or a Nomar, an ungrateful star who soured on Boston and fired shots on his way out.
But it will always come back to Game Seven. In twenty years fans will be sitting in bars all over New England wailing “why didn’t they take out Martinez?” Pedro had the chance to exorcise the ghosts of 1978 and 1986, of Bucky Bleeping Dent and Mookie Wilson. It doesn’t matter that the Red Sox finally won it in 2004. That’s not what we do here. We’re Jethro Tull and we’re Living in the Past. The only game that matters to callers and listeners of nitwit radio is and always will be Game Seven. And Pedro spit the bit.
And we’ll never be the same.
CommishBo 4:42 pm on June 28, 2006 | #
You forgot to mention the 17% ownership…otherwise, not bad.