Daddy’s home. Petey’s back.

Daddy’s home. Petey’s back. Need more be said? Pedro Martinez, the Dominican Mango Man returns to the Fenway Park hill tonight, where a grateful Nation awaits. While the famously rabbit - eared Martinez will likely pick out the one or two boo birds in the seats, it will be one loud, long ovation for the man who dominated opposing batters for seven seasons in a Red Sox uniform.

Were Pedro to have returned in a Padres uniform, the atmosphere would have been carnival like. Twenty years after thousands of children were baptized into the fold of Red Sox Original Sin at the hands of New York’s Lesser Nine, Pedro will take to the field wearing the cap of the New York Mets. Send, lawyers, guns, and Hall of Fame ballots, Pedro’s back with his fans. The recent interleague series against the Nationals and Phillies (who Fox laughably claims is a “bitter rival” of the Red Sox) have had a bit of a “pardon me, do you have any grey poupon” atmosphere to them, tonight’s affair will have a playoff feel to it. At least He Who Must Not Be Named won’t be there to ruin the fun.

Let there be no doubt about what hat will be on Pedro’s Cooperstown plaque. Pedro, for all of his petulance, knows this. Make no mistake however, he would like nothing more than to stare into the owner’s box after a dominating performance, as Roger Clemens did to Dan Duquette on his initial return with Toronoto. For all of his “me first” attitude, he’d fit right in down in Foxboro with Rodney Harrison, because no one creates Disprespect Windmills to rail against like Pedro. Pedro feels that the Red Sox management disprespected (read: wouldn’t give him the years and money he wanted) him when he left after the 2004 World Series, and he will be jacked and pumped tonight like it’s the 1999 All Star game. Don’t be surprised if he buzzes good friend David Ortiz in the first, just to send a message: This is still my house.

Like Bobby Orr owned the ice at the Garden in the 70s, and Larry Bird the parquet in the 80s, no one held Boston at their fingertips like Pedro at the turn of century. Every fifth day was a holiday when Pedro was around, a Patriots Day party. For one more night, it will be 4th of July, Fenway Park. Stick around for the fireworks.

Analysis of a Shank piece:
You need to start off with short, clipped prose. Posing a rhetorical question never hurts. Then use a clever play on words nickname, somewhat derisively. Make obligatory Curse reference, coupled with a Warren Zevon lyric. Grey poupon hackery is mandatory. Grady Little reference. Orr reference, Bird reference, Patriots Day reference, Springsteen song title, rinse, repeat.

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